Top 7 Ways to Have the Worst Monday Ever
Let’s face it; Monday mornings are terrible. Who wants to put in effort to make it a great day when it’s far easier to get all the awfulness over with in one day? If you’re ready to embrace a truly bad start to your week, these seven tips can help you have the worst Monday ever.
Set an obnoxious alarm
Don’t waste your time looking for upbeat music to start your day with. No, find that alarm setting that’s more annoying than the warning signal they play in zombie movies when the virus escapes the top secret test facility. And you know what? You don’t have to stop there. Set 12 alarms, starting about an hour before you need to get up, just in case one dose of obnoxiousness isn’t enough to start your day.
Schedule your least favorite exercise
Everyone talks about how starting the day with exercise is the best way to set the tone for the day. What they don’t always tell you is that you should pick an exercise you enjoy. But that’s not what you’re going to do. Hate to run? Put on your sweats and hoodie in the middle of the summer and run until your clothes are totally soaked through with sweat.
Skip breakfast
Breakfast may be the most important meal of the day, but you’re going to skip it. After those snooze alarms you lived through and all the exercise you did, who really has time to eat something healthy? If you’re going to eat all, be sure to get something that will sit heavily on your stomach for most of the morning, just in case you felt like being productive first thing. Donuts, bagels and drive-thru food are all excellent options. The less energy-providing protein, the better.
Read all your emails
Now, people who are trying to avoid procrastination and be productive might perform inbox triage, but you’re going to start at the top and work your way through everything. That’s right. Everything.
For extra credit, force yourself to deal with every little task included in those emails before you do anything you actually need to accomplish for the day.
Discuss unpleasant things
If you’ve recently experienced one of those weekends where basically everything that could go wrong did, you need to relive it as many times as possible instead of focusing on the good things that are to come. Go from cube to cube telling all your co-workers about your weekend in as much detail as you can manage. The key here is not to get sucked into the happiness people who had great weekends are radiating at you. In fact, just cut them off when they start talking and start over at the beginning of what you were saying.
Go to bed late
Now, you may be wondering whether there’s anything you can do ahead of time to ensure you have the worst Monday of your life. There is. Stay up Sunday night binging on old TV shows or playing video games until a few hours before the first of your 12 alarms is supposed to go off. Even better, be sure to chug caffeine, sugary drinks or alcohol as late at night as possible. Once you get to bed, what you drank will make sure any sleep you do get isn’t restful.
Procrastinate ahead of time
If you’ve been experiencing terrible Mondays for a while now, it’s time to up your game. Having a bad Monday really starts on Friday. If there’s any tedious, time-consuming or otherwise boring task you need to complete, shove it off to Monday. Under a tight deadline? Don’t do any work on it Friday so that Monday will be extra stressful.
In fact, don’t even bother to organize your desk before you leave to start your weekend. Having to sift through scattered piles of paperwork when you arrive at the office, tired and hungry, will be the perfect start to your week.
Of course, you could always do the exact opposite of everything mentioned here. But then you’d have the best Monday ever. And who wants to have an awesome start to their week?