How to Discipline Teens
One of the most significant challenges of parenting is the different approach that is required between handling toddlers and teens. Imagine trying a time out with a 16-year-old! These tips can help a parent decide on the types of discipline that work best with their teen.
Try to Understand Teen Behavior
Your teen may look like she’s grown up, and on some occasions she may act like a grown up. However, child experts say the reason many teens act badly – whether the issue is refusing to cooperate, lying or rebelling – is that they are NOT grown up yet. In fact, the areas of the teen-aged brain that are in charge of decision-making and self-control haven’t completely developed. Many teens simply are not able to make the proper decisions when they are allowed to be too independent. On the other hand, teens are grown-up enough that they require a more sophisticated approach to discipline.
Let Your Teen Set the Rules
Of course, you don’t want your teenager to make all the decisions. But experts say involving your teen in the rule-making process allows the teen to more easily accept those rules. The process also requires the parent to be flexible and to be willing to compromise. For example, if the issue is the teen’s curfew on the weekend, let the teen make the first suggestion on the time. Let’s say the answer is no curfew at all. Explain why a curfew is a good idea – getting overtired makes driving more dangerous and makes it unlikely the teen will handle obligations in the house the next day or the rest of the weekend. If the teen responds with 6 a.m., come back with 2 or 3 a.m. That may be later than you are completely comfortable with, but the teen will respect your decision to compromise and is more likely to compromise as well.
Write Down the Rules
After you negotiate rules with your teen, reduce them to writing and have the teen sign the document with you. That way, the teen can’t argue about what he or she has agreed to follow. This process also teaches the teen about the sanctity of contracts and that a person’s word is his bond.
Consider Natural Consequences
The main reason parents have rules and discipline is to protect their children. However, some child experts say the best way for a child to learn that having no rules and no discipline isn’t a good idea is to get small doses of experience with no discipline. Instead of fighting with your teen to set aside enough study time, consider allowing your teen to handle school duties as he thinks is best. If the teen decides not to study or doesn’t turn in projects on time, the natural consequences involve school discipline your teen will not enjoy. The key to natural consequences, according to experts, is not to allow anything that will hurt the teen.