Adoption Choices for Birth Mothers and Hopeful Parents

Adoption has changed over the last few generations. It was once automatically secret and anonymous, with all identities carefully hidden and no chance of contact between birth parents and adoptive families. These days, more adoption choices allow the involved parties decide for themselves what kind of relationship will work best for them.

Adoptions today may be closed, semi-open or open.

Closed adoption is the kind most people have heard of, or seen sensationalized on TV or in movies. A birth mother hands her baby over to adoption professionals, usually in a private agency. The agency “matches” the baby with adoptive parents who have been through a thorough screening process. The identities of all parties are kept strictly confidential, with neither party having any information about the other. There is no contact between birth parents and adoptive parents. The adopted child has no information about his or her birth family, even a medical history. Closed adoptions are not common these days, especially for infants.

Semi-open adoption means that there is contact between birth parents and adoptive parents, but the privacy of both parties is protected. The adoption agency coordinates all contact, revealing only basic information such as first names and the state in which the parents live. The birth parents are involved in choosing which family will adopt their baby, but will have no direct contact after placement. Families can—and are encouraged to—share photos and letters, but everything is sent to the adoption agency and forwarded from there. Most infant adoptions today are at least semi-open.

Open adoption means there will be some level of continuing contact between birth parents and adoptive families, including the adopted child. Birth parents will meet face-to-face with prospective adoptive parents, then choose their child's new family. The adoptive parents are frequently present at the child's birth. The type and extent of post-adoption contact with the birth parents is agreed upon before adoption is finalized. It can include pictures, emails, phone calls and letters, and even visits.

Birth parents need to be aware that open adoptions are not legal in all states. Even when they are, some states' adoption laws do not consider open adoption agreements to be enforceable. Once the adoption is finalized, the adoptive parents can choose to end contact between the child and the birth parents, and there is no legal recourse. Make sure you understand your state's laws before agreeing to an open adoption.

Which adoption choices are you comfortable with?

For birth parents, open adoption can seem like an ideal situation. Your child's future is secure, but you aren't forced to sever all ties. You can continue to be a part of his or her life, which helps with feelings of loss or guilt. For adoptive parents, though, open adoption can look like just another hoop you have to jump through. You should not agree to an open adoption because you think it's the only way to get a baby. You need to understand and agree with the reasons behind it.

The relationship between birth parent and adoptive parents can be complicated. Adoptive parents can feel threatened by the continuing relationship between their new child and his or her birth parents, or be concerned that the birth parents may intrude in their lives. The fact is that adoptive parents and birth parents can build a satisfying, productive relationship, and will likely find that it's the best way to reassure the fears and resolve the issues that their adopted child may have. Both sets of parents have the child's best interests at heart. That's often enough to keep a relationship between birth parents and adoptive parents going.

Whether you decide that open adoption will be best for your family, or choose semi-open or even closed proceedings, the adoption choices available today allow you more freedom. Birth parents and adoptive parents can choose make their adoption experience a positive one.